Why does no one ever celebrate the Bitch in films? She drives the action forward and usually has a few good laughs for us; often, the Bitch gets the best one-liners, completely overshadowing the main characters of the film.
But the audience rarely gives the Bitch her cinematic due - it's always the sweet girl next door that gets the applause and sympathy. It's always the nerdy math geek being shoved into the locker that we cheer for. Well I say no more! Little girls aren't always made of sugar and spice; sometimes you get a few girls made of mace and malice. So here I stand ready to salute the Bitch. If you are brave enough to admit you find the Bitch funny, join me in giving the Bitch her proper due. No longer will she be relegated to the sidekick supporting role! All hail the Bitch!
7. Regina George in Mean Girls
Regina was the Bitch we all loved to hate, and hated ourselves for wanting to be her. Regina commanded boys and girls alike and was the undisputed queen bee in her little hive. She was such a Bitch she inspired a nickname for herself and her group of wanna-bes: The Plastics. She would have ranked higher but in the end she got taken down a few notches by a backwater math geek (with the help of a bus), and after the Revenge of the Nerds, stuff like that just shouldn't be happening.
Best Bitch Quote: "I gave him everything. I was half a virgin when I met him!"
6. Baroness Rodmilla DeGhent in EverAfter
The Baroness actually started off capturing our sympathy. Her brand-new husband dropped dead right before her eyes on her second day in her new home. However, our sympathy quickly turned as she demoted her step-daughter from family-member to servant. We might have been able to forgive her - I mean who among us wouldn't want a servant that doesn't make waves and sleeps in the fireplace? Plus, the Baroness had enough on her plate, trying to marry off her snotty twit of a daughter to the Prince of France. Rodmilla - in true Bitch form - used her womanly wiles of seduction and manipulation to further her plans; but made the equally fatal mistakes of lying to the Queen and underestimating her step daughter.
Best Bitch Quote: "Darling, nothing is final 'til you're dead, and even then, I'm sure God negotiates."
5. Catherine Tramell in Basic Instinct
Catherine Tramell redefined the phrase 'sex pistol', and she did it with an ice pick, no less! She was an ice-cold killer in the sexed-up body of a mystery-thriller writer. Catherine knew exactly what she was doing as she played with the emotions of a homicide detective and the entire police department; before sending her girlfriend on the side on a murderous rampage and setting up her college girlfriend to take the fall for another set of murders. Then, of course, there was the infamous interrogation room scene; any woman who could manipulate an entire room full of hard-boiled policemen with a shift of her shift dress is bound to be labeled a bitch. Any woman that can inspire utter, uninhibited craziness in others is a first-class Bitch, and that Bitch is a dying breed.
Best Bitch Quote: "Killing isn't like smoking. You can stop."
4. Madison Lee in Charlie's Angles: Full Throttle
The 'fallen angel' Madison Lee was once an ass-kicking member of the Angels, but a mission gone wrong left her shot up and bitter. (A cautionary tale: always wear your bulletproof push-up bra.) Did Madison Lee sit around and get fat like many of us would have done? Hell no! She waited patiently, kept in amazing shape and hit those overly sweet Angels like a ton of bricks. Madison rocked a string bikini with her 41-year-old self. With a pair of gold plated 9mm, in a pair of killer heels she shot her partner in crime and tried to have a cute little kid murdered. She was a cold-hearted bitch in a beach bunny body.
Best Bitch Quote: "Why be an Angel when I can play God?"
3. O-Ren Ishii in Kill Bill Vol. 1
What could be worse than a so-called friend who turns up at your wedding rehearsal to kick your behind and then kill your entire wedding party? (Watching Avatar the Last Airbender comes to mind, but that is another article entirely.) At first glance O-Ren inspired our sympathy: she saw both her parents brutally murdered; driven and shaped by that brutality, she launched herself into the world of murder as a premier assassin and killed the man responsible. You don't get any more badass then that, but no, she was a Bitch with dreams and the Tokyo underworld was in her crosshairs. She assumed control of the Yakuza, and when one of the bosses protested, she jumped on the table, and cut off his head with a single blow. O-Ren was the epitome of one of our favorite Bitch qualities: assertiveness.
Best Bitch Quote: "Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the fucking time!" (beat) "I didn't think so."
2. Queen Jadis, White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
Obviously, any woman who calls herself queen has got to be a bitch and Jadis does not disappoint. Jadis manipulates and lies to children and the sentient creatures of Narnia, turns enemies to stone, kills Aslan in cold blood, and causes a world of never-ending winter without Christmas. Who the hell stops Christmas? A queen Bitch, that's who.
Best Bitch Quote: "The great cat is dead!"
1. Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada
Miranda Priestly is the top Bitch because she ruled her kingdom with a silver bob and a curl of her lip, manifesting all of the essential bitch qualities: she was brilliant, manipulative, uncaring and used her razor-sharp wit to the detriment of everyone who crossed her path. Never once did she raise her voice over the decibel of a whisper, a brilliant show of power. Miranda Priestly is the Head Bitch in charge of an entire industry. No one makes a move without seeking her blessing, even people as highly regarded in their world as Miranda is in hers. With a single facial expression she can send a designer back to the drawing board to recreate an entire collection. Who does that! The Bitch in Prada.
Best Bitch Quote: "I thought you would be different. I said to myself, go ahead. Take a chance. Hire the smart, fat girl. I had hope. My God. I live on it. Anyway, you ended up disappointing me more than, um- more than any of the other silly girls."
As my favorite #1 Bitch once said: "That’s all."
